THE MEAN SPIRIT OF TELEVISION

One of my friends has been unfortunate enough to be a contestant on the current version of "The Apprentice". And after two months of lingering in this manipulative, degrading, unhealthy environment, she has finally been told the magic words: "You're fired."

My relief is immeasurable. My friend is safely away from the circus, and I no longer feel any obligation to see how she copes with the blatantly artificial mess every week.

No, I do not watch reality shows. After enduring ten minutes of the first "American Idol", hearing all those people butchering easy songs, I classified them into the same "Unwatchable" category as professional bowling, auto racing, and golf tournaments.

Blithely uncaring of my rejection, Reality shows have not only prospered, but have become more and more mean-spirited.

• The Joe Schmo Show" victimized a man into believing he was on a reality show, and it turned out that he was the only one without a script.
• "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancee" tortured a family into believing their daughter was marrying a disgusting pig of a man, only halting when they were standing at a fake altar.
• And now we've got "The $25 Million Hoax", which co-opts Ed McMahon into giving a fake cash prize to a family, presumably to pull it all away at the end of the season to laughter and humiliation.

The nastiness has become the single selling point of Reality TV. "American Idol" is not about the singing; it is about seeing just how nasty Judge Simon Cowell can be to the contestants. And as soon as I heard the concept behind "Survivor", I knew - KNEW - that it would deteriorate into a remake of "Lord of the Flies."

I detest the fact that Reality TV programs are disguised game shows. Shows that focus not on rewarding its contestants, but on humiliating them -- and to do so in front of millions of people.

"The Apprentice" is particularly heinous because it actively encourages viewers to hate the contestants. Not a single episode is edited to make you WANT to root for anyone; instead, every single one is deliberately handled to create a "weekly villain" for you to scorn.

You can even hear it in the soundtrack. In the second episode, one team was shown with driving, intense, exciting music; the other, with plodding tunes that sounded like an elephant ballet.

In fact, every facet of this show screams of clumsy yet effective manipulation. So much so that I suspect that only a few of the contestants would actually be suited for a job in Corporate America.

But after all, what is TV without emotional dramas, little soap operas of pettiness and posturing? How boring would it be to watch 20 perfect business execs, as opposed to 20 flawed ones? Isn't it more fun to watch a bunch of nervous strangers tear each other down, rather than building each other up?

Of course it is. And the producers of reality TV know this well. Why else would they bring back all the fired contestants for next week? Watchers of "The Apprentice", start your Hate Engines.

Me? I think I'll go bowling with my friends, where we'll be unabashedly happy cheering each other on, dancing in the Pit with every strike, living and dying with every gutter ball. And never again be diminished by supporting a program that extols all the worst of humanity. My friends and I will stick to the Best, where we prefer to live.

-- Keisuke, 10.28.2004