memoirs of a python

How will director Rob Marshall will deal with the issue of language in the upcoming film "Memoirs of a Geisha"? I bring this up because:

1. The events of the film take place entirely in Japan
2. All of the leading roles have been cast with non-English-speaking actors (Malaysian, Chinese, Japanese), and only one of them actually speaks Japanese, the language of the film's setting
3. The production is directed by an American, and is being funded by an American film studio for release to the US (English-speaking) market

For these reasons alone, it would seem best to shoot in English.

Which means that when the movie arrives in theaters, we will likely witness the strangeness of seeing Japanese characters, living in 1920s Japan, speaking to each other in English -- with thick Japanese accents.

The notion is worthy of Monty Python! They did the exact same thing in a skit entitled "Erizabeth", set in Victorian England, with all the actors speaking high English with Japanese accents. ("Gleetings, Queen Erizabeth! Broody Herr!") It was utterly stupid and quite funny.

"Team America" did the same thing with Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il. ("Herro, Hans Brix ... ah, you bleaking my barrs, Hans.") Hilariously, joyously idiotic.

Okay, so "Geisha" probably won't be equally campy. But it will be equally ridiculous.

Imagine filming "Schindler's List" in German-accented English; or "The Ten Commandments" with heavy Egyptian accents; or "Gladiator" in English with Ancient-Roman accents. The audiences would never stop laughing.

There are endless examples of such conundrums. In every case, they were solved by simply having the actors deliver their lines in plain, unaccented English. The audience immediately understood and accepted the contradiction, no questions asked.

They also have the option of shooting in Japanese and using English subtitles, preserving the "exoticness" of the setting, just like in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".

Instead, the producers of "Memoirs of a Geisha" have trapped themselves halfway between linguistic walls. All because they have steadfastly ignored the obvious solution:

CAST AMERICAN ACTORS WHO LOOK JAPANESE AND SPEAK ENGLISH.

Granted there are no American Oriental actors with the so-called "star power" of Xiang Xiji, Ken Watanabe, and Michelle Yeoh. But to be blunt, none of these names will draw in an American audience anyway.

Hey, I just thought of one more solution. They will shoot the film with all the accent problems -- and then hire a team of voiceover actors to dub all the accented English lines into unaccented English.

Suppose they will use Japanese American voiceover professionals? Nah, that would make too much sense.

-- Keisuke Hoashi 10.28.2004